#it bothers me that ppl find it so difficult to believe that every person has their own rich inner life
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dastardlydandelion · 3 years ago
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who is antlers?
i’ve still got yellowjackets on my mind, so i’m just gonna ramble on abt who antlers may or may not be.
1) i’ve said it before but i think there’s a strong possibility it’s shauna. with shauna being characterized as an “average every girl” who more or less plays second fiddle to her team captain bestie as a teen and then having the most typical, ordinary life outta the four leading ladies as an adult, she seems one of the least likely. and that’s the point. shauna is more mysterious and subdued than the other leads as an adult, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s purposeful misdirection and in the wilderness, she was actually in charge…potentially living her best life, even, dare i wonder? happier to have the others at her command and finding meaning in being a leader, rather than where she is now with a mediocre, cheating husband, and a bratty, snobby daughter. shauna gets absolutely no respect in her housewife life, but maybe in the wildness she was more than respected— revered as the antler queen.
in the third episode, shauna has a “royal pine” tree air freshener in her van and when the girls find the cabin, she touches the antlers mounted on the wall. it could be foreshadowing of what she will become. 
2) i do not think antlers is taissa. i think that would be a bit too obvious. taissa is a determined character, resilient, ambitious. she isn’t afraid to take charge or challenge others. she’s also willing to go to extremes. in ‘96, taissa was the one most concerned about allie’s poor performance on the field. she takes winning and being on the team very seriously, she wants everyone to bring their a+ game and when allie fails to measure up, she wants to ice her out and proceeds to get rough with her on the field. imho i don’t believe taissa meant to break her leg— she seemed genuinely unnerved when allie was injured that horrifically —but i do think she wanted to put pressure on her to step up. as an adult, tai is still very goal-driven and serious about her campaign. we also see her taking charge in the wilderness in ep3, butting heads with jackie, proposing the vote like a reasonable leader, and guiding the way to water.
and that’s why i think it would be a little too obvious if it was tai? everything about her personality and her present career screams, “leadership.” she could be the antler queen (or leader of a different faction, given that it seems the girls will be splitting into clans) but i’m doubtful. 
3) i do not think it is travis for a few reasons. this show isn’t really abt the male characters. they’re there, yeah, but they’re not the main event. the show is titled “yellowjackets” because it’s about the yellowjackets girls’ soccer team. he isn’t one of them. i don’t think someone as important as antlers clearly is would be one of the male characters. also, while the garb is bulky and it’s admittedly difficult to visualize a physique beyond the layers, i *think* antlers cuts more of a feminine silhouette?? on that note i find travis rly irritating and tbh, i’m disappointed to know that he survives to adulthood. that doesn’t have anything to do with antlers’s identity, but yeah, that guy rubs me the wrong way, fuck his irritating ass. i don’t think it’s javi for the same reasons. also javi is the youngest, too young to be in charge. 
4) could natalie be antlers? she seems rly unlikely, possibly the most unlikely. nat is very kind. she is against icing out allie from the start. when the girls are going down the line complimenting each other, she compliments lottie on never talking shit unless ppl actually deserve it, presumably bc gossip bothers her otherwise. nat’s the one who seeks to comfort travis after his dad dies, and gives him a pass for taking extra food bc of it. well, okay, her being attracted to him could have something to do with that too, but i think we’re supposed to take away that she’s a genuinely nice person. probably not the one who’s going to be in charge of ritualistically devouring her former teammates.
…but that could also be misdirection. when the ritual happens, it’s cut between shots of natalie at the bonfire. making natalie the focus between the shots of the ritual, where antlers is seated at the center. desperation drives ppl to do depraved things sometimes, to become things they never, ever wanted to be. survival often means you don’t have the luxury of making *good* choices anymore, just whatever choices are feasible in your position. stranded in the wilderness and perhaps so starved you feel hollow, even a gentle soul could be perfectly capable of cannibalism.
5) laura lee, prolly not? idk. she srsly thought god cosmically punished them all bc she mentally (not even verbally) called her piano teacher a “cunt.” so if that’s the way ur logic goes, uh, what exactly do you think would be the punishment for breaking the cannibalism taboo and conducting a feast upon human flesh??
but again, desperation does things to ppl. laura lee might transfer her christian religious conviction to whatever religion they’ve practicing when they’re roasting spike pit girl. become just as dedicated to a different kind of higher power.
6) i don’t think it’s impossible that antlers is jackie. their coach mentions in the first ep that jackie is team captain bc she has influence. at the bonfire when there’s fighting, she is the one who manages to reel everyone in and get them to play nice. come the crash it seems like her leadership is indeed falling apart, she abandons van (understandably tbh) to die to save shauna instead, and van (also understandably) loathes her for it after the fact. misty seems to take control for a lil while, bc misty is the one with the most medical training and tbh her sociopathic tenancies serve her well here, bc she isn’t as disturbed by the carnage or the horror of their situation. misty fucking rolls with it, lmao, she’s practically excited to tell whatshisface (i forget his name, whoops) that she cut off his leg, thus saving his life.
then it’s taissa who takes charge to lead the team to water, while jackie is largely inactive, wanting them to remain in place as she hopes for a rescue that isn’t coming. even shauna can’t side with jackie on that one. so it seems like we’re meant to believe jackie’s influence is falling apart in the forest and perhaps it is, but perhaps that in itself with turn out to be a misdirection. when jackie has some time to cope with what has happened and adjust to the new reality, she may just reassert her grip over her influence and become their antler queen.
there is no jackie in the present timeline so we’re seemingly meant to infer she’s dead, but what if she just…stayed out there in the wilderness with whatever followers (possibly even worshippers??) who chose to stay with her.
don’t really have enough thoughts on anybody else thus far. 🤔
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thicc-anxieties · 3 years ago
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sorry to bother you, I just have OCD and I haven't started therapy yet, but it's just so hard, I feel like the most disgusting person and I just... Does it ever get better? Is it possible to learn to live without this agony? I can't see a way out and I'm freaking out. I'm an anxious mess, a crying one, and I feel so disgusted with myself
Hi, here are some resources that have really helped me on my recovery journey : Youtube : OCDandAnxiety
Chrissie Hodges
Support groups : OCDPeers : costs $, but has small groups of up to 10 people and typically holds good , productive discussions
NOCD Support : free support groups ! has a large amount of people , so it depends what you prefer, to see 50 ppl sharing their stories is often very helpful , but sometimes not the most organized discussions , I personally go back and forth between both . NOCD for my broader triggers and OCDpeers to ones my OCD is really focused on that week .
Therapy : NOCD : NOCD is great , all of the therapists are specifically trained for ocd and ocd recovery, so you will not find any psychologists who don't understand (if you do , switching therapists is doable ). Has a community posting system , which is helpful for some , but i had found myself using it for reassurance , so not for me. They also provide weekly Q&As on zoom with their therapists, as well as youtube videos with Dr. Patrick Mcgrath.
OCD Online Program : Although not therapy , i find this self-directed program helpful , provides videos , worksheets and exercises to keep your recovery on track . it is hard to get myself to do ERP homework , but having put together worksheets has been good for me .
Non-ERP Therapy : Another option for ocd is of course Cognitive-behavioral therapy , or talk therapy , with a psychologist of your choosing . I would do your own research on this and choose what would be right for you . CBT is extremely helpful for a variety of disorders , but for OCD, most of the help is counter-productive (arguing logically with the thoughts for example ) , and a lot of OCD specialists agree that CBT is more likely to get you caught in a loop. Please do your own research, and see what is right for you .
Books :
The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD : ERP for OCD is very difficult , and is often focused on reducing anxiety/reactions in the wake of the most disturbing intrusive thoughts. Typically , a lot of programs focus on consistent work to get there, and it is more than possible to reach a good point . But, Recovery work is hard, draining, and there is a HUGE grieving process that takes place in the wake of being diagnosed with OCD. Managing those difficult emotions and having compassion for yourself for what you are going through will only ever help the intense work feel easier and more worth it . I would recommend giving this workbook a shot and putting self-care as a priority along with ERP.
You are not a rock - Mark Freeman : A book about being yourself , and letting go of the want to have control over every thought . As he puts it , "thoughts are like bananas, they don't matter " . A often very silly , but practical goal-oriented activity book, it definitely has its value . It is not for everyone, the author talks plenty about success and fitness and "elevating your game " . But it does have plenty of useful advice and activities i think more than anything could help motivate .
Radical Acceptance : Embracing your life with the heart of the Buddha : Whether you are religious or not, believe in the effects of meditation or not, this book provides insight into the life of the author , a licensed therapist as well as Buddist meditation leader , and is highly , deeply, empathetic . Fear shame , guilt , often are the emotions at the core of ocd, this book re-accounts stories from the author and patients on their journey to self-compassion . If you are looking for a self-love book that is far less rigid and do not mind looking through any lens, i think this book absolutely has a lot of value . Meditation , whether based in religion or not, can be a helpful tool in breathing through intrusive thoughts. A big part of ERP , after all , is this practice of staying in the moment and letting the intrusive thoughts loose their weight over time . As with the last books, and videos and all self-care tools tbh, use your own comfortability and critical thinking as a guidance .
I want you to know that OCD is profoundly difficult, it is an absolutely debilitating disorder and the fear you are feeling right now is felt by all who have it. Everyone who has ever had OCD has said the same things as you , including me. Am i disgusting ? will i get better ? Do i even have ocd what if I am just lying ? am i irredeemable ? ERP is difficult , and to be forward with you, most of the work is going to come from yourself , and you have to be very patient. I have developed literally every OCD subset under the rainbow and i have to deal with it every-time i start to get better with a different one. Recovery is an up and down hill process and the truth is , your ocd thoughts may still come and go throughout and after therapy . But with enough practice you will absolutely be able to handle it ! I cannot express enough how much you deserve it , and even acknowledging you have OCD is a wonderful step . Try not to get too discouraged . OCD will find anyway to make you question everything and anything , that is what it does , and it tries extremely hard . I am slowly and gently learning how to interact with my ocd , and actively practicing ERP , though hard , has ultimately greatly helped my thoughts, so i can be prepared to use the tools i have the next time it starts popping up . I wish you the absolute best of luck and hope you can start therapy soon <3 You absolutely got this 
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askcarla · 3 years ago
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why do u like carla
Unimportant Information: I am an INFJ personality girl and these personality people are fond of coldest & serious characters/ppl out there most of the time? For example, Carla's personality I believe INTP and that tends to be very 'alike' or similar and compatible with my personality type :P Ik I sound like a hella NERD but I like Naraku as #1 Character in Inuyasha. Don't ask me why skjskjsk
Past / Background
Carla's past story or BG story is probably be the main reason I like him the most. He had a very TRAGIC past and I really cry each time I see him having a mixing emotion regarding his father Gishbach's torture on him. He really tried his best for being acknowledged and praised by his father...Altho his mother was always there to support him. and it kinda also reminds of my own life situation and goals And also shin's view point regarding Carla in past...but the truth Carla really cares about shin as a perfect brother. I like the bond between Carla and Shin as brothers way more than Mukamis. And also the time when he killed his father was also sad for me. In short, Carla's BG story was most interesting one for me.
Talent /Skills /Strengths
Carla is born-talented with powers as it was told by Krone, which is very powerful compared to his father or other First-blood races. In a training with his father, Carla really mastered a strong magic power(?) which his aged races couldn't do and Gishbach was highly jealous and astonished about that and knocks him out senseless following on. He is also very good in sword, and basically in all the things that ought to be required for a king. He also loves to read books which is absolutely amazing I guess. He is also very artistic person, ae he likes landscapes paintings. He also has a very sharp nerve as it was told my Yui in CL. He is also great in English (grammar) shown in DF. Like yo,,,there are 100s+ and I will get tired if i type everything lmao!
He is also exceptionally good in chess, probably be more or equivalent to Reiji. In Reiji's route, I could clearly say how cold-headed and planned tactics Carla made to beat down Reiji. He said - "99% of the chess is strategy" and it has become my most fav quote ever lol. Altho it's very basic thing to know for a chess-player/lover like me. And then Reiji mentioned after that there's something where he and Carla are very alike...(Which is they both wanted to be acknowledged and praised.) Bringing Reiji here cuz he is my #2 bias forever
His Kindness
For the DL fans who haven't played his route yet might haven't notice that much but, Carla is a very kind person. In LP, I really liked those moment when he saved Yui even though knowing he is gotta get effected by the poison twice in Zatan's mouth. Also when Carla told Aji not to kill the snake which seizing the antidote outta that,,,,although it was the biggest bother in that route lmao. In LE, also when he didn't punish or yell at a ghoul child for injuring him etc etc. Even tho he finds sometimes difficult to understand ppl,,,but he is very kind inside at the same time.
His appearance
Okay—I fall in love with his dress and everything hjsksks. I personally see his style very unique, meanwhile goes well with his kind of person who said "I don't dresses which exposes skin too much like a shameless." Every single outfits, especially dark fate and lost eden. Also like the way he manages his hair and scarf. Idk how to specify lol, I really like every single thing. His hair, eyes, body and EVERYTHING AAAa-
His Voice
I always find deep and dark voice very calming, and carla's voice is such a soothing version of it. I am a big fan of Toshiyuki and most of the otoge characters that I stan is voiced by him uvu. Ik some ppl think Carla's voice sounds like he is around 60+,,,but I never thought of him like that and will I be ever. His voice suits pretty decent with his sharp gaze and cold atmosphere. I luv him voice, so much like literally music in my ears.
His love towards Yui
Although his main attraction towards Yui/MC was developed in Maniac epilogue,,,pretty late but it worth it very much. I was like really surprised that how lovely and affectionate he could be...wow. The hands that was more likely to choke her was now the only place Yui could belong. Also he was jealous when he saw Reiji taught him that English thing on that notebook before. Despite being sadistic, he has a soft heart inside and—always cares about Yui and protects her. He can also catch Yui's mood or thoughts easily by observing her expressions and face.
I am tired-this is just the top reasons that popped out in my mind lol. I can write a newspaper tbh,,how much i love him and my reason for that. Not only romantically but...i really do learn many things from and it is the most inspiration in achieving my goals and especially study purposes sjsksjk
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rucow · 4 years ago
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massive nerevoryn hcs, beware
I have nerevoryn brainworms that torment me day and night, so I answered this ask game under the cut (I did this for myself not for anyone else, pls be nice and ignore it if u don’t like something you see here!)
(A lil clarification: I headcanon Voryn as nonbinary and I use they/them pronouns for them, also they’re ace and afab in my hc, pls look away if that makes u uncomfy) • How did they first meet? They met when Nerevar was hopping from House to House to ask to be supported as Hortator, he just kinda showed up at Voryn's home outta nowhere and was met with 38237 identical serious Dagoth siblings. I can’t think about it without laughing dgsfh
• What was their first impression of each other? Voryn thought Nerevar a fool at first, for coming all the way to Kogoruhn just to ask for political support and to justify /why/ he should be politically supported However, Voryn saw almost instantly that Nerevar was genuine and driven and had strong ambitions for Resdayn, and they ended up agreeing on a lot of things. Meanwhile, Nerevar's first impression of Voryn was...kinda non-existent? He didn't pay much attention to them and didn't differentiate much between Voryn and their siblings. They were all just a bunch of polite goths to him, so he liked them from the beginning 😹
• Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Voryn's family was neutral and maybe a lil cautious, but ultimately didn't interfere at all and they quickly accepted Nerevar as part of their family Nerevar has no family, though I consider Vivec to be his family in some way. But no, Vivec didn't really want them to get together :') (he didn't like Voryn very much in the beginning, he thought they're boring, too serious, and has no sense of humor LOL but he warms up to them after a while.. he won’t stop messing with them tho, bc they’re rly easy to tease and that’s fun) • Who felt romantic feelings first? Voryn did. Nerevar's feelings only started ages later, he's not really the type to sit down and analyze/reflect on his feelings, so he didn't realize he had romantic feelings until they hit him full force LOL • Did either of them try to resist their feelings? Voryn tried, but gave up and opted for hiding their feelings instead of suppressing them 😔 • If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? They would believe it. Nerevar wouldn't immediately assume it means "romantic soulmate" though, he already sees Voryn as a very close friend so the news that they're soulmates makes perfect sense to him. On the other hand, Voryn wouldn't be surprised to find out they're soulmates, but they'd feel like it's a cruel thing to do to them both, since they can't be together openly and in the way that they want to be. It would be heartbreaking to them :’/ • What would their lives be like if they had never met? Voryn's life would've remained quiet and uneventful, most likely. And they wouldn’t have ended up the way they did in canon.  Nerevar is an unpredictable mystery though so I have no idea, maybe he'd go down a different path and take some impulsive bad decisions in his life 🤔 oh wait he already does that nvm • Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? Nerevar initiated it. Voryn has had feelings for him for a very long time, but at first they didn't want to be in a relationship with Nerevar due to how complicated it would be, but yeah...they couldn't ignore their heart's call, and definitely couldn't refuse Nerevar when he started returning the feelings :') • Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like? YEAH!! I have no idea though! It would've been secret but very nice and romantic :'D • What was their first kiss like? It was intimate, and heavy. It was packed full of years of suppressed feelings and wishes. Voryn may have teared up a bit lmao • Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)? Nerevar has already had relationships (though nothing long-term) and has had...experience with ppl, in all meanings Nerevar WAS Voryn's first everything though! Mainly because Voryn has never had much interest in ppl before, and just the thought of kissing grosses them out, unless it’s with the right person ofc uwu • What’s their height difference? Age difference? Nerevar is 6'1 and Voryn is 5′6-5'7, they're the same age though! • What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Nerevar likes the dagoths. They don’t pry into his business (ahem, affair*) with Voryn and they always welcome him to Kogoruhn with no problem (aka they tolerate his out-of-nowhere appearances and occassional odd behavior). He finds it a bit unsettling that Voryn has so many siblings but he doesn’t question it. Voryn tries to get along with Vivec, even tho the younger makes it difficult. Voryn is an older sibling, so they have the patience to deal with a younger moodier mer who’s hellbent on disliking them for no reason LOL • Who takes the lead in social situations? Nerevar does, Voryn is really awkward at socializing and hates doing it too 😹 • Who gets jealous easier? They both do, but their jealousy manifests in different ways. Nerevar is much more vocal/open about it. Voryn doesn't give him any reasons to be jealous tho, at least not on purpose 🤧 • Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear? UHH neither of them does 😳 ...unless they've been drinking, then they both do it fjdhsn (Voryn won’t say anything explicit tho, just rly cheesy declarations of love or something SOBS) • Who said “I love you” first? Voryn said it first, but only after Nerevar had already confessed his feelings :’) they needed to be sure they wouldn’t get rejected bc that would just break their heart tbh • Who uses cheesy pick-up lines? Both do, but they mean it in all seriousness, and they believe every word the other says. • How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? PDA is a big no-no for obvious reasons, unless it's only around trustworthy ppl like Alandro Sul and Voryn's family. Yes, Alan my boi is chill with all of this hehe • Who initiates kisses? Nerevar. He's very touchy uwu • Who’s the big and little spoon? Nere's the big spoon, usually. Voryn's like...a stick...though they can get clingy in their sleep /sobs • What are their favorite things to do together? Having time to spend together is rare for them, so they treasure every little moment they have. They both prefer spending time completely alone with one another, somewhere far and secluded where they can’t see or hear any other people. Nerevar needs moments of quietness to recharge after dealing with so many ppl in his daily affairs, so he really appreciates Voryn’s company bc their energy is very calming and they’re just quiet and pleasant in general.... they’re the type to sit in comfortable silence and just lean on one another as the world fades around them :’) • Who’s better at comforting the other? They know each other very well, so they're both amazing at comforting each other, except it's a lot easier for Voryn to comfort Nerevar solely because Voryn isn't as open about their emotions as he is, and doesn't want to worry Nerevar with anything, so they keep their emotions/pain private much more than Nerevar does. Nere's more open about things that bother him and spills his soul out to Voryn often lol • Who’s more protective? Oh gosh they are both overprotective of one another, they live dangerous lives after all. However, Voryn's the type to get physically sick by worrying over Nerevar's well-being... Nerevar doesn't handle it any better tho, he would become very spooky and destructive if anything happened to Voryn 👀 • Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Nerevar prefers verbal affection from Voryn, because he knows Voryn’s words are always truthful. Voryn prefers physical affection from Nerevar though, because they know he uses verbal affection with a lot of people, so the physical kind feels more personal and genuine to them u_u • What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise? ... I must warn u. my taste in music is maybe TOO happy/sappy for these two, but anyway.. here u go (all these songs are from Voryn’s POV): 1. the lyrics and overall aesthetic and feel of this song.. it suits them in my hc a lot :’( 2. by the same singer, this song HHNGN the lyrics just make me think of how voryn sees nerevar 3. something even more light-hearted... sorry there’s no eng subs but trust me the lyrics are beautiful, the bridge especially makes me cry it’s so pretty.. and 「美しい心を持っている、ずっとこの海よりも深い」 😭 BASICALLY ANY LOVE SONGS MAKE ME THINK OF THEM 😭😭 • Who remembers the little things? Voryn's memory is impeccable. Nerevar is kinda airheaded, he doesn't remember things consciously but he remembers them in his heart • If they get married, who proposes? Voryn does! Though it's not a typical proposal, because their relationship isn't typical either. They simply propose that they both should undergo a ritual to bring them (more specifically, their souls) closer together... It’s the same ritual that Voryn’s mother did to their father, and they learned it from her before she disappeared/passed • What’s the wedding like? Who attends? It's a secret one, so no one attends it besides the two. It's not a wedding though, it's more like a romantic ritual conducted by Voryn themself, where they link their souls/hearts together :') it happens at nighttime in a secluded place, probably a cave with an open sky... somewhere in nature far away from any civilization • How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like? They have one very rambunctious but sweet daughter! She inherits a LOT of Nerevar’s looks and personality, even his ideals and stuff (once she grows up) • Do they have any pets? Nerevar doesn't have any, but he loves animals. Voryn's home has plenty of domestic animals/creatures though, much to Nerevar's joy 👌 (yes I hc the dagoths to be farmers bc I love the thought of a goth farm) • Who’s the stricter parent? Voryn. Though they're still very mild, just. more cautious about parenting than Nerevar is?? And unlike him, they actually teach their kid manners djfnsf • Who kills the bugs in the house? VORYN. They have no fear of bugs and actually know how to handle them really well! • How do they celebrate holidays? Not together :'( </3 • Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning? Voryn. Nerevar's an early morning person, while Voryn just wants to be lazy and stay in bed until noon. Voryn has sleepy b* disease • Who’s the better cook? Dare I say both??? >:)c Voryn likes baking more than cooking though, so when they have the time for it, they like treating Nerevar with sweets u_u✨ Nerevar doesn’t really have a sweet tooth though, he’ll just engulf anything that Voryn or their family cooks LOL
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bleachbleachbleach · 3 years ago
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HELLO.
I just wanted to say that I love, love, love your tags on that character/tool post a lot! Some of my favorite shows/books involve characters that can't keep it together and just barely make it to the end of the story or make it there in an "inconvenient way" and tbh I find that usually the narratives that follow these characters don't really work away from them either--the narrative is just usually more questioning instead of fully formed.
Like, 'what if/how would', y'know? There's less of a clear meaning and more just 'what if they hadn't done that. what if they had done that. what if all that meant nothing. what if that struggle was all there was'.
But oh boy, when they DO work away from the narrative. *chefs kiss*
I mean, most of my favorite Bleach characters are narrative nightmares who either hinder or cut off lines of theme in the story entirely. And, in general, I think there are A LOT of characters in shonen--a genre known for very long narratives that can't possibly complete every thought but also can't just abandon all those characters introduced ESPECIALLY the fan favorites or personal favorites--work in the way you described.
Tbh i think your tags really highlight why so many ppl get drawn to these characters/why they're so fun to play with in fanfiction.
If you have more to add or more thoughts about this you want to lay down I am here, eagerly awaiting and ready to pick them up.
Also, who do you think in Bleach is the most fun characters who sort of drop kicked the story, in your opinion? Who's the one you like the most? And who's the one you dislike the most?
[For posterity the referenced post is this one.]
Aww, thank you! That’s really lovely to hear. I was anxious about even putting it in tags because I don’t think I presently have the capacity to explain it well—and even if I did might still sound bananas to many. Or at least the bit about negotiating with characters and how *they* feel about being subjects in stories. Because as much as that really is my practice saying it out loud takes me back to like… FFN in 2003 where every store was prefaced by extensive chat-form back-and-forths between the fic author and their character "musies" and that is not something I think fandom would benefit from bringing back in force, hahaha. But anyway.
Here’s the part where I disappoint because I don’t think I actually know Bleach well enough to speak to it in this context. WHICH SOUNDS DUMB EVEN AS I TYPE IT BECAUSE LOL WTF IS THE NAME OF THIS BLOG WE ARE CHARLATANS AND POSERS FOR CLAIMING AS OUR NAMESAKE NOT ONE BLEACH BUT THREE BLEACHES but truly, my experience of Bleach has a shallow depth of field. I feel like I have weirdly intimate knowledge of some severe rabbit holes but a non-existent to uneasy sense of the gestalt.
Like idek man, in my "slow re-read where I am actually paying attention" Ichigo hasn’t even met Byakuya and Renji yet. ToT
I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it spidered all over the place, but in summary:
characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure
the charm of longform serialized series and their invitations to imagine stuff
me attempting to talk about Hitsugaya and feeling a fool, as usual
I guess in general terms, I’m really interested in characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure. Not failure as in 'bad' but failure as in things that break form or are circuitous or are actively detrimental to a narrative arc. All my strongest examples of what I’m thinking of are from a different fandom and therefore not relevant to this blog, alas. By comparison I think anyone in Bleach can keep it together better than the characters that are immediately coming to mind, lol. But I think this idea dovetails often with trauma narratives, or depression narratives, because these things are often… non-narrative? Like, there’s no fourth or fifth for minor fall or major lift. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over again, or maybe nothing. Maybe it’s the exact same self-sabotage narrative dictates could have been avoided. Maybe it’s some act that emanates forth but cannot be explained because it cannot be explained and will never be explained. That’s a version of what I’m talking about, in any case, though not the only version.
Your note about longform shounen definitely resonates with me, too. In my mind I don’t like long things and I prefer series that are more self-contained but whenever I have ever landed in a long-term fandom, with a piece of media I felt obliged to carve out chunks of my life for, and to interact with at that level of creative fannishness, it’s always been something stupid long and serialized by the seat of its pants. I know plot holes or dropped threads bother a lot of people (makes total sense, don’t get me wrong) but I find these things incredibly attractive. I see them as invitations to join in the fun. Especially when it’s so much a part of the form and genre to have this, as you said, lack of real expectation that every thread will be followed to its conclusion (or that it would be worthwhile to do so) and every thought completed.
There’s this piece by David Grann that was published in The New Yorker in 2004 that I really love that speaks to part of this idea, albeit in terms of fictional universes versus fictional characters. But Grann is talking about Sherlock Holmes (Doyle original) and the ways that Sherlockians would like, approach apparent lapses in narrative and then solve them according to the established rules of the universe. I just love that. There’s also the line, "Never had so much been written by so many for so few," which LOL if that ain’t fandom I don’t know what is!!
I feel like I’m actually talking about three distinct but related facets of these thoughts in this post, except all at once and without clear transition, uhhhhh.
Gah, I am broken and now can ONLY think of examples from my not-Bleach fandom, but to try a different tack and add yet another facet to this already funhouse-mirror post, my various attempts to write Hitsugaya often feel like they come up against a version of this. I think Hitsugaya has aggressive side character energy, and I find it difficult to make him the center of a story and have it feel right to me. He feels different to me than writing other minor characters, where they can be the center of their own stories even if their story is not the main story. Like, two of my fave characters in my other fandom have literally like… three lines in 350+ episodes and it feels easier to imagine THEM at the center of their story and I think what it comes down to is that Hitsugaya probably prefers what he not be written. And when he does become more narrative I think he’d prefer that none of it was happening in the fist place. But at the same time he always seems to be…around??? whether there is really a good reason for him to be present or not. XD So while, say, he and Bartleby "would prefer not to" (because THAT'S what this post needs, a Melville reference), Bartleby actually opts out and Hitsugaya out here volunteering.
He also often feels non-narrative to me because he feels very declarative, if that makes sense? Like, the coming-to-decisions or coming-to-realizations parts of existence happen pretty quick, or are approached perfunctorily. I feel like I find narrative in the "coming" part of that equation and instead Hitsugaya will be like, well, I’ve already done that part without you, and/or plan to do that part in the future and it will still be without you, the audience. Anyway, here’s the determination I’ve made, here’s what I’m going to do, and here begins the long and probably tedious process of my doing that thing (off 2 go train in a cave for a bit). I don’t think he actually believes the world is that simple, Tab A into Slot B, but I do think he’s already made that assessment and can see coming to terms with that as a horizon, if that makes sense. So even if he doesn’t know the answer to something, or is completely at a loss of what to do (what to say to Hinamori? how to productively address the number Aizen’s done on him) there’s still not necessarily a story there. Maybe the answer is you grind, and it is repetitive and boring. Maybe you just hold things. There’s not even the act of learning how to hold things, necessarily, just the practice of doing so.
Wow, that probably doesn’t sound good! I feel like I need to suffix this with the assurance that Hitsugaya is my absolute runaway character in the whole series and this was true 15 years ago and it is still true now (truer, even) and everything I just said are reasons why I love him.
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smallestclowninthecircus · 4 years ago
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Tma season 2 notes baybeee
I made myself take several breaks so I could give my frie d who is listening to it at the same time as me a chance to catch up. Honestly just posting them so I have them saved somewhere but whatever.
ep 41: real graham wrote keep watching before he was replaced. Jon feels like he's being watched. But they werent replaced by things related to the eye. It's the web that's on the box that replaces them. Endless hallways and doors to nowhere. I bet nicholas will have ideas what entity this relates to. If it even does. They're like the tunnels in the one with the builder guy. Tunnels closing in etc. Also like the cave diving one. He's assuming it's just one
ep 42: so 100 gecs? (IM SORRY I LIKE 100 GECS BUT LMAO) so there's some entity related to music right? There's the piper episode and the 27 w/ the calliope. Ah yes, this season is gonna be the season of Paranoid!Jon
ep 43: section 31? fucking books. god no. smashed lights? cult lady did that. covered the lights too. she mentioned a spooky clown doll. thats not random.
ep 44: is this that same circus that got mentioned before? it is! the pipe organ! pop off organ! pipe off! mouth on the stomach! yes! mouths in unusual places my beloved!
ep 45: antiques! like that one ep!
ep 46: every time books get mentioned i sigh. hhh sus smells. it got brighter. I get the vibes occasionally that the dark and the eye are sorta at odds with eachother. GRRR BARK BARK LEITNER. ayyy ex altiora. entity go brr. which entity do we thing it is? my guess is The Dark. The book buyer's name is Mike. He has scars? Electricity? The childhood friend of the guy who got it later on perhaps? The Vast? its formatted like an entity idk. This happened before the other one. He got trapped in the wood carving. a win for the web lol spiders go brr
ep 47: did i hear spiral? ITS THE NOT THING FROM THE EPISODE WITH NOT GRAHAM "it didnt move, it shifted" is like the exact same sentence as before. ay john's starting to remember. the laughing woah thats weird. is "michael" one of the entities? "you make it seem like theres a war" supports my theory that theres a struggle between a couple of the entities. I said i thought it was the eye and the dark i believe but im not sure. its whatever entity michael is vs the worms? what did nicholas say the worms were again? The Corruption? still dont know which one michael is tho.
Had to take a break after that episode. smth about the quality of michael's voice makes me feel like im gonna slip into one of those states where it feels like nothing is real, so i got a nice cold glass of water.
ep 48: jesus ok this one's kidna corny. you're telling me love made the crowd go away come on now. Ur losing it big J. also shouldnt it be more sus that "sasha" is so unaffected by the worm incident/ finding of gertrude's body
ep 49: haven't we heard hector's name before? oh is he the crime guy? fucking jared... so it's a throat? chompa chompa. (it's just a little bit hot) the good part about these episodes is that we know whoever's telling the story isn't gonna die. even if it's a close call, they're not dead. hotworth? ok not jared keay. it bothers me how theres so many repeated names, can they not come up with other names? "sasha"'s computer is breaking... sus. Elias our favorite weed man! jon ur so paranoid lmao
ep 50: robert smirk, at it again. this is like that one episode with the old dude who locked his door. who said idle beforehand? was it smirk? fingertips. thats so weird lmao. bahahah tim
ep 51: simon fairchild. im sure jon will mention the name at the end i cant remember where we've heard it. this is just like the cavediving episode. a hand? there was a hand in the last one right? the scalpel! and an eye thing. she's trying to throw them off.
ep 52: thats the guy from before! with the hearts! god i hate this guy writing the statement hh. lights blowing, and brackish water. we know how this ends but its still tense. rainer? reigner? rain man. we've seen him before
ep 53: pls not a leitner. oh boy mans scratched out his eyes. rip skelly. why would gertrude have had this statement off the books? jon stabbed himself?? bruh im? big man are you okay
ep 54: cockney boys! ayy its our favorite delivery men. she cut out their eyes. she knew that the eye was a thing?
ep 55: oily residue like the retirement home!
ep 56: worms? no. spiders?? bruhh. aaah yelling :(( aww martin anyways yeah i called it about paranoid!jon he needs to take a nap and drink some hot chocolate and calm down for once please
ep 57: just remembered, i think theres an entity called The Lonely?? This feels pretty lonely idk. fairchild, lukas/ lucas, some spooky place in norway idk. "sasha" knew he was recordinig hmm suspicious cmon jon figure it out. Sasha and tom. hm sus. for records sake i feel liek i should note here that I did have it spoiled to me simply that that's not sasha, but thats really all. i assumed it was like the thing that happened to graham in S1
ep 58: i feel like i recognize the name eustice (?) wick. someone please tell me im not just watching jon's descent into madness over the course of this podcast. im hoping it isnt so but, (and pardon the dsmp reference) im getting real wilbur vibes from this one.
ep 59: oh dear ok account from the fielding house. swirling designs? Spiral time? oh boyy. oh wait! 6 inch hole in the middle! is it not a spiderweb type design on the table? thats what i had assumed but that description sounds more like a spiral thing. cobwebs is a Web thing. ayy nicholas was right! the box goes in the table! the place that she kissed him was burning. Raymond is an avatar of The Web and agnes is the burning one. Lightless Flame! Why did she save him? i guess she was against this guy eating ppl or wtvr but why was she at the halfway house then? I think she's like michael.
ep 60: the eye go brr
ep 61: breacon and hope once again. tom. sasha's boyfriend. vampires sleep in coffins. the guy just walking in seems similar to the mind control of the vampires
ep 62: bones! its that one leitner. is this mother keay? the mom of gerard? this is what happened to her right? her skin was found on hooks? oh yeah thats what i thought the pages are made of skin. yeesh. The End!! sounds like an entity. phrased like one, and i think i remember it. are the people trapped in the pages? or... kept?
ep 63: eaten by the darkness! cavediving episode! (just like eaten by the sky) did my brain make up one called The Vast? it feels like it should be one, and all these episodes have some similar description about their feelings when they do whatever chosen hobby they have. ok now this one kinda feels like the dark. lights going out and all that. ok so not really a The Vast thing, its more of a Dark thing. feckin smirk gah.
ep 64: dice! the death guy! the death game thing! the person tricked somebody else into becoming death and then they were immortal? but if the egyptians wanted to kill him or punish him or whatever couldnt they just kill him? it worked in the end when he had the person giving the statement stab him, that did the job and actually killed him
ep 65: finally jon is actually acknowledging something is wrong.
So we know Mary Keay was revived most likely with the book by gerard.
Gertrude was way more aware of the entities than Jon. mary keay referenced The End openly and she cut the eyes out of her magazines and all that which makes me think she was aware of The Eye
ep 66: please not buried alive pleeaase not buried alive. lukas of the tundra? didnt we hear the name lukas before? she wanted it to be difficult to find important files because that way bad people couldnt find them?
ep 67: agnes... the girl in the hilltop house? agnes poppin off!! he's really not gonna question how she knew where he lived?? oh no D: the tree. were they the ones working on the house? aww they kissi- OH DEAR. why did she kiss him? it seemed like she cared about him? also she could kiss that other dude on the cheek and he was fine, but maybe it was cuz she was younger? lightless flame go brrrrr.
ep 68: oh god books. yup its bitchboy leitner. mans said "this seems supernatural, its a werd book!" bruuh.
ep 69: heh nice. aw cmon jon listen to martin. gahhh spiders. is that the class we heard about in the other doctor one with the teeth apple? some kind of psych class? oh dear. fucking spiders. aaaah. web do be goin brr. it's like the girl in the homeless shelter! who made the guy leave and she took his bed.
ep 70: is this gonna be the book that mary keay had? Most likely a leitner no matter what. Oh boy latin. Why did it start in latin then become old English? I'm guessing people put them in the book? He cant burn it. Phrophecies go brr. He says eh it's a decade in the future it's fine. Its gonna have changed. Ayy called it. Just accept it, it's a magic book. His death is getting closer. Leitner didnt make them but just collected them? Gertrude burned the book! She burned them down there so no one would know.
ep 71: oh boy tunnels. Our favorite thing /s. is The Buried a thing? Idk this seems pretty buried. Oh dear he's trapped here isnt he. "Not enough space to move, never enough to breathe" is that from the computer episode? With the guy who uploaded his consciousness? Somebody living down there. Hmmmm. Guesses: tom, sasha's boyfriend. Gertrude herself? (Though I doubt it)
ep 72: sweeney todd moment. Meat. The slaughter? Idk we'll see what the supernatural part is. Meat is meat. Similar to the slaughterhouse episode. Is it fucking Jared I swear to God it better not be. Hooligan teenagers, you know how it is. Meat is me lmao. Is the kid gonna be in the freezer. Ok that's good. OWW. Oddly textured candles. Made from people? Human fat or smth? Tom from the meat processing plant!
ep 73: outer bay shipping. Bet it's a subset of breacon and hope delivery. The Dark go brrr. Uh oh mans is gonna die. Leo or whatever. Cult ppl go brr. The people's church of the divine host. Who is the divine host? Is it reigner or whatever his name is? I dont think Jon can quit tbh. Probably an anonymous tip but from who?? One of the entities?
ep 74: fucking teeth hhh. I dont know which entity is related to teeth. Spiral. Isnt the spiral an entity. It feels like it could be related to many things idk. Yeah this sounds like the spiral. Heart attack at 29? Jesus... michael! That's kinda what I was thinking. Sasha goin in the tunnels. Hmm sus. They move the floor. Wack. Bet its tom.
ep 75: Man with a lightning scar. Has one of the leitner books. The childhood friend of the one who first introduced us to leitner. Oh my god that sounds terrifying. Michael crew.
ep 76: scalpel? Hmm spooky. NotSasha... think jon think.
ep 77: another double! NotThem, The Stranger. Not related to the table?
ep 78: what was that at the beginning? Question mark?? Oh boy more NotThem. Decker... what is the deal with the table. Does it contain the creature? Fucking Michael. Bitchboi himself.
ep 79: yes pop off martin. Ugh fucking Michael just leave man. I hate that dude. New person. Hmm. No idea who it is.
ep 80: shitener himself! Ok sir tell us the entities. Ayy The Spiral. Ok we know what that one is. The Eye is the beholding! Oooh. The Stranger. Did elias just kill leitner? Popping off honestly.
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sanguinarius-archive · 5 years ago
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Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D
ya ya sure!!!!
i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!
as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol
red!!!!!
his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER
he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL
he has adhd
most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them
he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)
red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt
he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday
we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm
bLUE!!!
we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do
blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)
he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point
despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl
he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet
blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!
he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute
surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him
blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well
piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!
she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!
pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams
pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her
she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again
ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey
pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily
pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!
she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet
STACEYYY!!!!!!!
stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one
she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science
stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants
stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good
she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot
i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel
LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!
has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!
emssss!!!!!!! (lt)
instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics
ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them
they’re very friendly!
they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon
ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)
they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at
they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)
ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think
aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!
also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights
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kpoptionate · 6 years ago
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shy first date/kiss w mina !
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[masterlist in bio] 03.03.19 [reposted 03.13.19] pairing: myoui mina {twice} x reader {female} genre: fluffyyy word count: 1.213k a/n: aghdsgc this was a cute ass request so i had to do it asap uwu warning: i’m terrible at kiss scenes and ending stories so ignore the dumbness; undedited
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uM OKA Y SOFT UWU HOURS ARE O P E N N
alright so you and mina have been dating for a good two weeks now
u guise are the cutest couple i swear
like u’re always giggling n smiling n blushing n looking away when u hold hands or brush the hair out of the other’s eyes
but,,,
neither of y’all have had the guts to kiss the other person yet !!
or go on a date !!
shyness just completely envelops both of you whenever the thought pops up in ur heads
so mina decides it’s time for that to change !!
she just wants to be a cute ass pair of bitches walking hand in hand down the sidewalk in cute ass outfits n cute ass smiles n cute ass energy radiating off of u two
n being the romantic ass hoe she is, what cuter date could two girlfriends have than at a café ! i live for café dates omg
so she arranges plans w u for the little one by the park near all the other shops
and the next three days it’s the only thing she can think of oml
finally ur seventeen (17) day anniversary arrives
aka the day of ur first date
n this poor bby is all over the place
what does she wear ? how early does she show up ? does she bring u flowers ? how does she greet u ?
little stuff like that, but obv she just wants everything to be perfect
after a good hour and a half and with the help of momo’s boujee ass mina finally finds an outfit
like a little black pleated skirt w a beige sweater n a brown mini purse crossed over her body w her hair lightly curled
idk what it is but she looks cute as hell ok
n she wants to be sweet n shit too so she leaves a lil early to stop by the flower shop to get u one (1) pink n white tulip bc she thinks it’s super cute
she ends up getting to the café ten minutes early but that’s okay !! she just waits by the door outside for u to arrive
u, on the other hand,,,
are an abSOLUTE MESS TOO
LITERALLY
U’RE GOING ON A DATE W MYOUI MINA
WHAT I S N’T THERE TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT
so after spending ur hour figuring out to wear n get ur hair n makeup or wtvr done
u set off on ur way to ur date !
u figured being five minutes early was reasonable, it gave mina time to get there if she hadn’t yet n if she had then she wouldn’t be waiting too long
so now when u walk up n she’s standing there lookin like a cute ass mf ur heart e x p l o d e s in the middle of the sidewalk
like bby pls don’t look so good u’re giving people heart attacks
she gives u a bright ass smile as she walks over to hug u
n her perfume is the prettiest thing u’ve ever smelled in ur life
then she remembers !! she brought u smth !!
“here u go !! i got this for u (/≧ω\)”
like it’s just a single flower but the thought is so cute
n the color matches her face rn too which is adORABLE
so u shyly take it n look down (or confidently w a wink n blowing a kiss, idk whatever fits ur personality i guess) n u guise finally walk in n take a seat by the window
since u didn’t bring her anything but she did u decide to pay for the meal (i don’t know what it’s called ? order ? service ? i—)
n u guise just sit n chat for a good forty-five minutes about everything
still smiling n giggling n being cute gays as always
but,,,,bbygirl's havin a hard time paying attention to what u’re saying
u’re just,,,so mesmerizing to her,,,,
ur voice,,,the way ur eyes sparkle in the sun,,,the way u take a sip of ur drink every time u giggle,,,
n eventually she finds herself being focused on ur lips
!! cliché warning here !!
they’re just so ?? kissable ??
how has she not felt their kissability yet ???
after a few moments of wondering,,,,how u’d smooch,,,,
she makes it her goal to have ur first kiss during this first date !!
“mina, are u ok ? u’ve been zoning out on me :((”
,,,(˵ ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o˵)
“no, no !! i-i just,,,,”
n she just sits there ?? moving her lips n hands ?? as if she’s talking ?? but nothing’s coming out ??
u caught her off guard with a question that’s difficuLT TO ANSWER
“if u’re not enjoying this we can go do smth else,,,it rly doesn’t bother me”
lmao fucK u’re scaring her now
how ?? does one just tell their girlfriend ?? they haven’t been paying attention to her ?? bc they want to kiss tf out of her ??
one can’t
so
one does the next best thing
mina moves her purse so she can go over to the other side of the booth to sit beside u
reallllllllllll close to u
n just kinda,,,,looks at u ??
but right before u can ask what’s up she takes ur face in her hands n gives u a cute loving smile
n leans forward to connect her lips to urs
whoop whoop ! ur heart’s beating a million miles an hour but hers is going a million n one
it’s ?? so soft n gentle
almost as if u’re a china doll n she’s scared she’ll brake u
there’s not much movement, but she slowly pulls away only after a few seconds
when she does, u can taste the coffee from her lips lingering on urs
she looks at u again for a few seconds before she br e a ks
not like a crying breakdown
more of a hiding-her-face-n-laughing-bc-she-can’t-believe-she-actually-did-that type breakdown
also bc of the old lady at the table across from u clapping at the cute lesbos getting shy after a kiss
she shoots her head back up n stutters apologies n u’re like ??
lmao why r u apologizing ?? it was great ?? totally would do it again ??
n mina sits there like u shot an arrow thru her chest
great ?? her ?? again ?? rly ?? (´༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ `)♡
she composes herself n flips her hair w a confident smile like lmao ikr
causing u to giggle at her
n her to giggle at ur giggle
u confirm that it was indeed cute n sweet but the baristas have been staring at y’all for the past ten minutes bc u’ve been here so long
so she’s like “o ok”
n as u leave the café hand-in-hand, u turn to her n place another lil peck on her lips as u let go of her hand n continue walking w a wink
she stands there for a good moment before coming back to reality n hurrying up to u, hitting u for teasing her in front of so many ppl ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ
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echidna-auxiliatrix · 6 years ago
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Incoherent vent post incoming
I really do fucking hate being a lesbian, ace-spectrum, and autistic. It makes existing on this website so damn hard. It's like these groups are always fucking against each other. "If you use aspec then youre ableist and also asexuals stole #actuallyautistic". Thats something ive heard over and over from certain dumbasses on the exclusionist side trying to use autistics as pawns in this stupid fucking discourse. I'm almost completely neutral on ace discourse at this point and damn every time I read something about it my blood fucking boils. Aspec never fucking meant autism. Aces didnt steal the #actually____ tags from us or anyone else. Those tags are meant to be a safe space for people who's main tags might be unsafe (ex. The autism tag being full of anti vaxxers and ableist and the asexual tag being flooded with porn) it seems like the same number of autistic people are on both sides of the discourse but neither side will quit using us as their pawns. Lesbians and asexuals constantly pit themselves against each other which I fucking hate. Certain aces say lesbophobic shit like constantly saying that lesbians are terfs and derailing lesbian positivity posts to talk about terfs and that one person who literally said anyone who uses the lesbian label is a terf. And lesbians saying shit abt aces like the whole "turbo virgins" deal and the whole "asexy" thing and shutting down ace headcanons. The truth is that lesbians and female aces (and I use female to mean woman not afab ppl) have more in common than we do different and we need to confront that and fucking get our shit together. Another thing that bothers me is how because autistic ppl are more likely to be asexual than allistics inclusionists can seem like theyre trying to protect autistics when honestly? The majority of ppl in this stupid discourse are allistics using us as pawns. And I know there are autistics on both sides and yeah y'all have your reasons and whatever but just please know that at the end of the day allistics ESPECIALLY neurotypical allistics are our oppressors and at any other point in history they wouldve gladly called us a bunch of retards. Aspec has never been a thing for autism and this comes from someone whos been lurking in the community since 2008 as a scared 8 year old little girl. I remember going on wrongplanet for a few minutes a week when I got home from school in 3rd grade just reading threads. Lesbians and aces (again, especially female aces) have to come together because tbh y'all dont realize the damage it does to people like me. Ill find a seemingly cool ace blog only to find out they're a garden variety liberal lesbophobe. Ive found many a lesbian blog thats violently aphobic. Like I just stumbled on a post from a person begging for help to pay their medical bills and I went onto their blog to see how theyve been doing recently and like. So much violent malicious intent towards asexuals...I just dont get it. In not welcome on either fucking side because each side hates one part of my identity. Just fucking stop it and be respectful you bunch of Dumbass freaks.
Tl;dr existing on tumblr is difficult for me as an autistic ace lesbian because both sides of ace discourse use autistics as pawns and the inclusionists hate lesbians and the exclusionists hate aces.
Ultimately, if I *had* to pick a side I'd still pick inclusionism because at the end of the day I believe aces and aros are inherently lgbt.
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sunnysidewrites · 7 years ago
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Here's your chance to spread some love! Tag ten mutuals and tell us why you love them, then send to 10 people on your dash! 💘
omg omg omg ok i suddenly have 573974793 people i want to spread love to but in reality only like 4 talk 2 me dlkjfsjd 
@kpopsinarios the first thing that struck me about her was that her persona on here was really quite similar to mine n how shes such such a sweetheart a lottttttttt more than me n i luv her sm!!! i cant believe im blessed to be her wifey!!! she instantly makes me feel better when i see a notif with her name on it!! an amazing writer on top of being an amazing person who im really quite envious of being an actual angel (she looks like one too!!!) jeonghan is shaking in his boots!!! never fails to brighten my day!
@kakaotaeks​ elENA!!!! MY SOULMATE HOLY CRAP it honestly scares me how similar we are!!! i know u have my back as much as i have urs and im so lucky to have someone like u!!! one of the best people to fangirl with and she just g e t s it!!! we’ve both been busy lately and haven’t been talking as much but just know that im only a message away n i miss talking to u!!! we help each other out with fics and i don’t know where that flower boy!jeonghan au would be if it weren’t for her LOL ily sm bby!!!! her writing can screw me up it’s sO GOOD I DONT UNDERSTAND
@justkpopjokes​ IM PRETTY SURE LIN WAS MY FIRST MUTUAL HERE AND IM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO KNOW A RAP MEME GODDESS!!!! she’s one of the sweetest people ever but it’s quite overlooked bc she tries to cheer u up with memes LOL but no one gives her enough credit of her sweetness and generosity!!! shes multitalented at everything, from drawing to rapping! i cant relate!!! i love her to bits she’s so sweet and funny!! i live for her raps and her overall voice she is such a queen who needs to rise!!
 @mansaeboysbe​ i’ve only talked to admin bee so far!! she’s insanely sweet and kind and so lovable!!! any person would be incredibly lucky to have her in their lives. the way she describes members is pretty much something you would want your partner to say about you and i just cant fathom how cute she is!! she does her absolute best to comfort you and the things she says still make me soft to this moment im typing this!!! not to mention her writing is beautiful and im upset their blog doesn’t get enough recognition as it should!!! we have so many names like the soonyoung support squad, brent, etc etc and i love them all and i love this lil bean!!!
@chanispumpkin​ this poppin b deserves to be hyped up all the time she is!!!! so amazing and sweet!!!! when we first talked i was like she’s gonna drop me faster than a hot potato but she’s still here for some reason!!! a strong fighting warrior who i give all my props to!! also the things we say about groups??? so relatable i love our convos she’s always a delight talking to i luv you bb and i know you will be able to find someone who will accept you for who you are, flaws and all! you are well loved and deserve to see that for yourself!!!
@soongyuz​ my heart swells every time i think about priya she is one of the sweetest people ever and she’s just added on to the list of people who make me soft 25/8 :’)))) babe don’t think that you’re bothering me or anyone when something is bothering you bc i am more than willing to listen and be there for you!!! SHE’S SO CUTE IT ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY HURTS MY HEART :’((( im so overwhelmed bc i have never received this amount of love until i made this blog and these sweet people just come in like a wrecking ball and she’s one of them!!! im crying, my heart is crying, my soul is crying, the sun is crying i love her so much
@hoshbrownie​ she is so so much more than she gives herself credit for!!! an amazing person and deserves the world!!!! its difficult to communicate bc of the major time differences but we’ve worked through it somehow!! also a relatable person and really sweet!!! every time we talk its always Wild bc there’s always some weird thing happening LOL and baby im not going anywhere dont think ill leave u GUYS IF ANYTHING THATS MY LINE!! im DEATHLY worried you guys are gonna leave me its one of my worst fears :((( but dont think for a second i will be leaving u bc im not going anywhere!!!
@fluffilyangsty​ a timeless beaut!!! im still shaking how im mutuals with libi but i’m rolling with it!! getting to know her has been v v interesting and her passion for music is the same passion i want to have for everything. she’s a woman with a goal and will get there! i love it and i love her!!! one of the best writers and this community knows it!! im eyeing my fics and i feel ashamed LOL she never ceases to amaze me both as a person and as a writer!!! beautiful inside and out!!!
@17rxn​ shai omg my heart :’))) so so sweet talking to her gives me warm feelings! most of our interactions have been about ranting about idols, her love for sungyoon, and me trying to introduce her to more kings!!! she’s so amazing and friendly i absolutely love talking to this lil bean!!! i dont even remember which fic of hers was my first but all i know is boy am i glad to have found her blog when i did!!! her writing is fantastic and the writer is just as lovely!!! she’s so cute and i love her!!!
@parkjmini​ I WAS SO SHOOK WHEN U MENTIONED ME SO I WILL DO THE SAME FOR U BBY!!! joyce is such a great and funny person i love talking to her!!! when i found out she was a fellow writer i was like heLLO ME 2 WOW!!!! im so proud of her milestone of reaching 1k+ followers bc she sure deserves all of them and much more!!! also those selfies? damn girl im shook meanwhile i look 5!!! i also know her irl and shes just as lovely as she is on here!!! 
OK IM SCREAMING BC I HAVE AT LEAST 5 MORE PPL I WANTED TO ADD BUT ITS ONLY TO 10 SO IM SORRY I STILL LOVE U IF I DIDNT TAG YOU! all of these said people and the ones who i didn’t mention are all special to me, so don’t think of anything about the numbering! this is in no particular order!!! thank you for being amazing sweet people who I’ve been blessed to get to know!!! 💞💞💓💓
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imaginingit · 8 years ago
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crush!jungkook
happy valentine’s day mothafuckas ;)
i love jeon jungkook are u bitches ready
you first met jungkook when you heard the sound of a moving truck beep its way into the driveway next to yours 
now u were always a child of adventure 
ur parents worked a lot so it was basically u at home with ur grandparents and they were the most chill motherfuckers on the face of the planet
and the front door of ur house always seems to be unlocked so u were the poster boy/gal of “adventure is out there!!!”
cue me ugly crying that movie kills m e 
u loved the outdoors and being adventurous 
u were so tomboy and reckless it was hilarious
u drove every single member of ur family insane 
they got called into school one time to u staring at the ground in the principal’s office next to a kid with a missing tooth and bloody nose 
“he tried to hug me” 
to summarize, u loved causing trouble, but have fun in the midst! 
and yes, meeting new ppl!!
and at dinner, u would hear ur grandpops and grandma talking abt the couple moving in next door 
and how they have also have a 6!! year!! old!! son!!
and u could barely keep ur head on the pillow that night bc omg! you can’t wait to have a new friend the same age as u! 
so on that beautiful sunny saturday morning, at exactly 7am sharp, with ur scabby knees, bruised legs, ripped shorts, mismatched socks, run-down light up sneakers, and ur older brother’s hand-me-down power rangers sweatshirt, you marched on over to the driveway to meet your new best friend
and u see a middle aged man and a beautiful woman trying to carry in a couple boxes together and u guessed those were the parents 
and as u were marvelling at how pretty they were, “man, if they look that good, how good does their son loo--”
“MOM, DAD, HELP IM STUCK IN THE SOFA!!” 
u have no idea what came over u but u almost tripped over the tall weeds trying to get into the truck and find the source of the voice 
you went straight to the yellow, flower-y sofa resting in the middle of the truck, with little boy limbs sticking out from under the cushions
u ran up and ripped them away and low and behold, u laid ur eyes on the most beautiful 6 year old there ever was 
and from then on, ur heart decided to plant its FUCKING BOTTOM with jungkook forever
from the first day he met u he literally believed u were the weirdest person he’s ever met 
but without a doubt, you became childhood friends 
like best friends
u saw him naked for the first time when u were 8 and just bursted into his shower at like 8am in the morning 
“Y/N WHAT THE FUCK GET OUT IM NAKED?????”
“omg it’s so smALL?”
he didn’t speak to you for two weeks after that 
your grandparents would always have him over for dinner 
you guys played make believe together and took naps in ur power ranger blanket together 
but it’s also a lot of bullying 
LOTS OF WRESTLING 
taking turns making ugly faces, whoever laughs first has to go and tell ur grandma they pooped their pants and needs help changing it 
“accidentally” slapping each other SUPER hard in the face
“you had a fly on ur cheek sorry!! couldn’t help it!!”
literally the purest and most innocent friendship ever ever ever 
everyday in first grade, when you had reading time, he would be in the seat behind you and fold a tiny little paper plane with a sticky note and throw it at you 
would keep folding them and throwing it at you until you noticed and turned around and yelled at him and got in trouble by your student teacher 
“i hate u jeon jungkook” 
you didn’t really
but it wasn’t until the third or fourth time he kept doing it that you realized there was a message on each of them 
and they weren’t really anything cute
they were just like 
“hey notice me”
“your hair looks greasy from the back” 
“what book are you reading”
“don’t ignore me”
“am i being annoying?”
“yea? good.”
but your favourite was
“i’m glad you’re in my class” 
because he would rarely ever show affection to you because your relationship was made up a lot of the “we don’t need to say anything to know it”, meaning you never needed to straight out express your gratitude to each other for the other to know that you’re appreciated 
main point is you grew up together 
however, after like the fourth grade
you both somehow decided that you were too cool for each other despite the fact that your crush on him was still there 
there was something so mesmerizing about the fact that 
he never truly ever demeaned you as a person??? like yes he was a tease and you guys always did those things to each other
but for a kid, he was always somewhat of a gentleman and would never make fun of you to deliberately hurt your feelings 
unfortunately doe, in middle school, your group of friends completely changed
and although you guys sort of had the same status in school of being popular but very, very laidback, and your groups of friends acquainted with one another, your interactions would be saying hi, making small talk when you were with a handful of other people and smiling at each other as you pass by the halls 
back then, you would walk home together every single day and spend time doing homework in the bedroom of one of you two 
but as the grades went on and the workload increased, you found music and student council and volleyball whereas he found track and basketball and dance
his family went through troubles and he found it difficult to talk to people at times 
and you were so busy with finding a job and saving up for post-secondary that you spent after school with your clubs or in the library studying
timing and interests for you guys were extremely unparalleled and eventually, things just grew apart before high school began 
and oh dear
high school
periods? check. acne? check. hormones? check. grOWTH SPURTS? check.
now, reader, entering high school, you only had one rule: forget. about. jeon. jungkook.
and it wasn’t like he was being a dick or anything to you, you just didn’t find any way that you guys would work out anymore
despite being best friends and literally showering together when you were 7 and your parents are best friends, you just never ever have proper conversations anymore, and things just naturally got awkward
and also life lesson for u guys omg so philosophical what it wasn’t anyone’s fault, you guys just happened to no longer have the same interests or the time to notice each other anymore - people drift apart. it happens. 
and you were so okay with coming to terms with that 
until
“oh my gosh is that jeon jungkook?”
“he... grew muscles?”
“giRL HIS HAIR”
“puberty hit him like a freight train???”
the morning of sophomore year, after a whole first year of properly avoiding him and being absolutely sure that he wasn’t going to get hot (jungkook is juST A LATE BLOOMER OK LEAVE HIM ALONE), you turned your head to the front doors and felt the wind get knocked out of you 
bc walking in with his friends, with the school uniform seemingly perfectly snug and hugging every one of his curves
was jungkook
and for some reason
yes he looked more mature and yes he got fucking MANLIER
but you were instantly reminded of something that clicked in you when you saw that 6 year old boy stuck in the sofa on the very first day he moved in next to you
was it that innocence? was it the charm? was it the hair-swept-away-from-face thing? you diDN’T KNOW 
but girl you were gone again 
and listen 
you dated people in freshman year and guys liked you, but you were never the type to chase or to fawn
you were just different from other girls like you would much rather be the type to be the one playing ball than the one in a miniskirt cheering on the team on the sidelines
that’s just who you are, heck you fucking punched a dude that wanted to hug you and say thank you, broke his nose and chipped his tooth like kk y/n
it was just difficult for you to grasp feelings, truly, but for some reason, this guy has just got you so weak???
and for some other reason, jungkook and the reminder and memories of you guys as kids just hits you like a truck and you’re already head over heels once again
and you go into first period to shake off the thought of him but ofc!!! he’s!!!! in!!!! ur!!! first!! period!!! literature!!! ihml!!!
so you take the seat diagonally in the front of him to make sure you don’t get sidetracked in ur favourite class and drool at him the entire time
oNE DAY
you were taking notes from the board, analyzing and reviewing the literary device and short stories before delving into the actual stuff in literature when you dropped your pencil and leaned down to grab it 
when you saw an arm reach down first 
and hand it to you 
you looked up 
and you guessed it 
biTCH IT WAS JUNGKOOK AND he had such a warm and friendly smile 
and you could barely say anything 
because on one hand you were like oh i’m glad he still remembers who i am??? like ffs? but your other side is like oh my god oh my god oh my god 
so weeks go by and every single day you feel such a burning sensation at the back of ur neck like fufufufuffufufu he’s RIGHT THERE
and jungkook isn’t that type to be extremely boisterous and loud and obnoxious even if he’s hot shit 
so you weren’t worried about him bothering you whatsoever after that like that was a fluke, he was being nice, whatever, it’s done 
a couple weeks go by and you’re starting to feel better now, thinking you’ve got this crush thing under control
until
silent reading time 
you were just assigned a new book by your favourite author! and you couldn’t wait to begin the book reports on these 
so you dove into the world of fire-breathing dragons and mystical knights and creatures beyond reality
when you felt a poke on your neck
and you had no idea what it was? you were so engulfed in the story that you just scratched and left it, not thinking twice
and then you felt it again
it took you a second, but it hit you
and it hit you hard
you turned your head around slowly and your heart was beating so fast
your eyes fall on a small pink sticky note, folded into a plane, dropped on your shoulder
you don’t even DARE LOOKING BAC K AT HIM BC U KNOW UR HANDS AR E SHAKING TOO HARD AND IF YOU SEE HIM YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DROP DEAD
so you open it, careful to make no noise in the silent classroom
and on the single sticky note it read:
“it’s good to see you again. i’m so so glad you’re in my class.”
you sneak a tiny glance back at the boy behind you, your face flushing with heat and memories 
and from behind his book, he looks up and gives you the tiniest, warmest smile you’ve ever received 
you folded the paper once more and fit it in your pocket and returned to your dragons and knights and witches, all the while smiling like a fool to yourself because maybe, just maybe, you didn’t really drift apart that much at all 
hi guys!! so sorry for the late update, hope you enjoy thisssss:)
also side note: just because it’s valentine’s day (i mean i dont celebrate this) doesnt mean that you need a significant other! buy yourself some hershey’s, make some tea, snuggle up with a teddy bear and a blanket, and switch on some netflix. today is any other day, so don’t demean yourself and your experience with this day because of your status! 
alsoooo don’t wanna get a little preachy but, in this au i kind of hint at the fact that the y/n or reader is someone very tomboyish and doesn’t really seem to find herself chasing after boys. in no way am i trying to vocalize the fact that just because you’re of a certain nature, your personality towards boys reflects that. this is just a fictional work of how one might feel (presumably me lolz) when realizing feelings for someone they truly loved at one point. just because a woman who is normally tougher on the exterior has a sudden soft spot for a boy does not indicate that she’s lost sense of herself or that she succumbs to a boy. just because a woman is a certain way because of a boy that makes her feel different doesn’t mean she is any less of a woman herself. everyone is obligatory to their feelings, and how women choose to express themselves sexually or emotionally to a man they love is their own personal choice as long as they are within consent and are safe. everyone’s decisions and behaviours in love are consensual and their own - that does not demean them as a feminist in any way, shape or form. remember that. 
have fun, y’all, uSE PROTECTION, and i love u!!!
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ragingtony · 6 years ago
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Wow it has been a MINUTE but hi I needed a place to express my emotions and feel like they were being shared, but sadly most of my friends aren’t capable of emotionally supporting me right now and I blame them and I also don’t because the pain I’ve felt these past few months have required a typhoon of attention and care that I thought they would be able to give me, but sadly haven’t. Leaving me to feel vacant inside and like I have infected wounds left to fester which is!!! Dramatic but honestly true?? I have a lot of physical pain in my body and I’ve been having LITERAL heart palpitations this week and it’s a chronic experience that I thought would have improved by now, you know? I thought I’d still be sad but I’d have some hope, but mmmm no I’m a black hole of a mess. All the love in my life seems to have teeth. None of it is giving me back what I need, and it isn’t their fault really. I haven’t been around, they haven’t been around. But something seems less helpful and cathartic about your friends helping and listening to you only AFTER you told them to. That doesn’t feel like real loving friendship at all!
And I love them? Right? But the last thing I want to do is watch my two friends, who are dating, be in love and gross in front of me, in my house while I literally feel abandon by everyone including them. Plus I don’t wanna be a bummer for them, but I feel like I’m a place holder for my one friend. Just to be there to make it more fun for her, so she can see me while she also has her boyfriend and I, again, am left to my own festering mind.
I’ve lost so much this year and today I lost two more friends and god, it just hurts. I’ve never been so sensitive in my life, I feel like drying concrete people keep painting in. My two friends said something nice about me the other day and I didn’t realize until then how low and awful I felt about myself. I forgot I was anything at all, and again going back to before, I’m so desperate for attention. A hand, a friend, a place. But I’m a consistent basis while I’m healing. And everyone is too busy and too distracted and I see their selfishness and am only reminded of my own in the first place. I haven’t had the chance to talk to anybody about how I’m feeling, and I’ve told lots of my friends directly I needed someone right now and they’ve consistently faded in and out. And I guess empathy and compassion are more complex and difficult than you’d think. It seems an obvious and easy emotion to tap into when you’re exposed, but when life is going well for you nothing is more contenting then turning away I feel.
And I’ve been criticized by my friends lately when I asked them for compassion that I don’t show my pain enough so they don’t think I need checking in on? And I get that, but they’re aware I’m in pain? And one was in my immediate space for a month and never asked me how I was or if I needed to talk. I’m again, unsure if she’s selfish or if I’m asking too much of her. And it’s probably both. But I can’t stand not being communicated with, especially now when I have so much I want to say and share all the time but no one wants to hear and receive it. I’m not sure what to do when I see her next, today she hit me deep again and made me want to scream all over again. She reminds me of a man, the way she gives so little of her emotions. How little she thinks of how her actions will affect others. She reminds me of me hoenstly and it’s probably why it’s so sickening.
And I feel like I just keep getting met with unkindness in my most tender moments and i become an ugly mess to the world and then people think I’m nothing when really I just need a fricken hug and a pep talk, but like twice a day
My two closest friends are in relationships that hurt me to see and I hate being that friend. But I don’t really believe in either of their relationships and especially think one of them is wasting her time with a guy she doesn’t make sense with. And she’s said out loud she knows it doesn’t make sense, but like me, she’sld rather stay in a relationship that satisfies the senses rather than go through pain of letting go and finding a better one. But god she hurt me in choosing him all the time and not even wondering how I might feel. We’re new friends as well, but I’m aware of her, is it wrong to expect her to be as aware of me? When living in the same house?
Like I’m not talking about just crying and feeling bad. I mean I’ve dropped to the ground sobbing on a public bathroom floor holding my chest so tightly because I felt so much. I’ve sobbed on trains and sidewalks and parks. Homeless people have come up to me and asked what’s wrong, my parents are like afraid of me because they think I’m a depression volcano. I write and think and write and think and it’s not helping. It’s an exhaustion I can’t sleep off, I can’t run from it, it’s like a fucking phantom. And the lonliness feels like a shadow that creeps up behind me and taps me on the shoulder when I walk home from the movies alone and go back to an empty apartment, or when I have food left on my plate and no one to share it with or when i want a second opinion or a new idea and WOW I get why people are driven to hurting themselves. The pain is so deep and so chronic and no one am reach you and no one tries and they mistake you’re sadness as being tired and it’s just a well of cold nothing forever and ever.
I think my last love ruined my life, in its current state anyways. The sadness I feel has infected every part of my life and made me someone no one wants to be around, because again, I’m dying for attention. I’m even writing thsi for attention! This is literally last resort material guys, tumblr. Like is it 2013? Come on. But I’m 100% in love with last boi, and he hasn’t spoken to me in months. I reached out to him last with a really vulnerable letter and he never responded. And he’s not a garbage boi ok, he’s wonderful and gentle and kind and forgiving and so fucking smart and a wonderful feminist and was so loving and um! I literally have never met anyone worth so much. Yesterday at Christmas my uncles who met him asked where he was and then said how impressed they were with him and I was like ! I know! He put the fucking sun in the sky! And he literally just called me one day and was like hey I don’t wanna days anymore bye. And I don’t think he was sad at all, not like I was. I take everyone in my life so SERIOUSLY like I’m so fucking intense all the time and it’s killing me now. Like he probably cried once and then went and played guitar and never thought of me again except to be like “lol hope she’s good tho”
And I know you’re thinking “um he doesn’t sound like he put the sun in the sky” but no no, he did. His only fault is that he doesn’t know how to communicate.
It’s crazy how you’re subconscious knows a relationship is failing before you know. I used to cry all the time and feel so lonely because I know he didn’t love me as much anymore. I felt him pull away and get bored of me and I got bored of me too and I got so stuck. I get it, I try to make one person my whole world and happiness and that’s toxic and I gotta work on that. I knowwww what went wrong and Part of me has days where i wannnnt him to be happy but! He LITERALLY hasn’t responded to me? After a whole year of being in love? And it wasn’t like oh we dated cool, nono, we were each other’s everything. Like we couldn’t get enough and he was the absolute best boyfriend ever and did everything he could for me and we were best friends and had so much fun. And we TRIED to be friends after this but I felt like he had no idea how much this destroyed me? So I tried to tell him and he said nothing. What do I do with that? He was the essence of light and life and now all I have is people around me who can’t be bothered.
When people go through a huge break up they deserve to lay on their friends bed and tell them about it and cry and feel comforted. And have their friends just be there, but! I feel like I’ve spent two months in a freezer.
I also lost my best friend of 4 year this year, and my boyfriend abandoned me like a week after and I’ve lost my two most intimate relationships at once and thought I had good friends to back me up?? So I’ve literally spoke to no one the amount I’ve needed and had them give me perspective and love and so YEAH I feel 1000 abandon and YES if you were WONDERING I already had abandonment issues form my parents so this is a cute common familiar thing that I feel like will take 16 years of therapy to get out of but it’s fine bc I’ll never find love like I had before again ok so I guess 2017 was the Golden year I have to go die now
Also astrology ruined my life? I think confirmation bias is so real and I looked for all the flaws in people and had them validated instead of seeing them as whole people and i made them people they weren’t. I also boxed myself in and limited my own abilities to forgive and grown bc the FUCKING INTERNET SAID Taurus’s weren’t like that, and honestly in the two weeks I’ve tried to break that mentality and have told myself I CAN be energetic and forgiving in my own way has made me feel 1000 times better because before I just accepted that it wasn’t possible. And I made my last love believe we couldn’t be compatible and I just kept everything about astrology in the back of my head and let it be true instead of actually LISTENING to people, like??? I met ppl while traveling and got anxious bc I was like omg what if they’re a sag and then I’m like, I’m enjoying them right now why does it matter? It’s ruinnnned me.
Anyways everything just keep going wrong. Don’t even get me started on my job situation, I haven’t even thought about it. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to do anything. I’m cold and hate winter and darkness and god my roommate can be so abrasive and cold and it makes it all feel lonely and impossible. I haven’t believed a good thing about myself in so long I feel like the ugliest person literally ever? And I TELL my friends I’m sad and they don’t even acknowledge my words? And obviously they don’t see the gravity bc they aren’t with me but AH I NEED ATTENTION TO FEEL VALIDATED right now, like people deserve those things right? And YES I do have a therepist if you’re wondering but she got married and the thanksgiving and then I traveled Europe forever and now it’s Christmas and ????
Im also sitting in an airport writing all this and I sobbed in the bathroom for a hot sec and my brother made fun of me and I’ve put a lot of energy into my friends ok? I got one a REALLY nice Christmas gift and i took another one to Iceland and I don’t hold those against them they don’t owe me in that sense. But I thought of them so much and all I want is for them to be aware of me and help me ???? Like idk, FRIENDS DO. And
Don’t think I can just get new friends. Like no way. Impossible. Adults can’t just MAKE FRIENDS
I also don’t wanna get married and have kids I think and idk if I mean that but wow I just want to sit down with my last love and scream cry until we feel better aka until he loves me again. Like I loooovvvvvve him, I’d never loved anyone I dated before. I was so proud of him and adored him and loved how he treated everyone he met and how interesting he is and how we could discuss anything and say anything and !!!!! I learned so much from him and uh hi I wasn’t DONE so if anyone knows him let him know I’m dying kk
Thanks 4 coming to my podcast!
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Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
"Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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So I got into a minor car crash, I believe my insurance expired. I only have a few scratches on my car, but for the other driver her side view mirror broke. I was wondering just to pay out of pocket because side view mirror repair isnt that much and she probably has a few scatches on her car as well, and going through all the hassle is to much time and work. She wanted to exchange insurance info but wasnt able to provide because I wasn't sure if I was insured or not. What to do? My first car accident! :(""
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I'm a 17 yr old female, just recently got my g2, i live in ontario canada and was wondering what my insurance cost would be per year. i will be registering as a secondary driver, and there are currently 2 cars, and will be getting a third one, for me. i have talked to friends and found out that they pay about 200 bucks a year and depends on my parents driving records. Is it possible to pay just 200 dollars a year as a secondary driver?""
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So im working as a full time cocktail waitress and i was informed that there is medical and dental health insurance available for me. I moved to USA, NYC recently so this is why im unfamilliar with this. Im 27 and healthy. I do need some dental work but its not an emergency. Somebody told me that insurance trough my employer could cost me 400$ a month. Is that normal? Can i find more affordable insurance and do i really need to spend that much a month if im pretty much healthy? Any advice on this would be great.""
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Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
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Why Are We Not Reducing Health Care Costs?
The U.S. currently spends 50% more per capita on health care than the next western nation (Norway). On average we spend twice as much as France, Germany, Austria, Netherlands, Canada, and Switzerland. Our costs are increasing faster than these nations. According to the Congressional Budget Office the cost of Obamacare is an additionsl $1.76 trillion over ten years. For those who want to actually solve the universal health care problem, how about adopting one of the European plans noted above and cut our costs by 50%. Why the blind devotion to a bureauratic morass that will bankrupt the country? http://www.kff.org/insurance/snapshot/oecd042111.cfm""
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How will you be able to pay the $3800 fine proposed by the democrats? Also are those fines figured into the cost of the democrats insurance reform as a revenue to aid in paying for the program?
Car insurance?
how much can it increase by having one point on your driving record?
Insurance on ford focus?
i recently came across a cheap ford focus 2000 edition, and recently passed my test and just wondering what would the insurance be like? exspensive? i really like the car but i dont want it if the insurance will be a bomb""
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2 insurances? 2 deductibles?
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I can't afford my car insurance...?
I need transportation so I can work. But why should I have to choose between car insurance or food and medicine? Shouldn't the Government come up with a single payer plan for automotive insurance too! Its not fair that I have to pay for this out of my own pocket.
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
What's a good health insurance?
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Need a quote on car insurance by Norwich Union. Just passed test.?
A friend needs a quote on car insurance. He has just passed his test and is about to buy his first car. All details can be provided to find a rough estamate before he purchases car insurance from yourselves.
Low Cost Affordable Individual Hmo Health Insurance Question:?
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How much will car insurance cost?
I want a 2002 toyota Celica and a suv like 2003 escalade Im 15 now but when I get my license I'm going on my mom insurance but I have to pay the bill how much
How much on insurance do you think this car would be?
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Changing insurance from car to van?
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Can you have be under two car insurance companies at once?
My dad is considering in buying another car(ideally for me to use) but to avoid the high cost, he wants to be listed as primary driver to both. It seems that usually when youre under one company, I will most likely be forced to be primary on one of the vehicles. So would it be possible to be under two different car insurance companies so that my dad can be primary for both or would this be considered a type of fraud or something illegal?""
How much will my insurance cost?
If i was 18yr old with a 92' 240sx with clean driving records how much would my insurance cost? any estimation? how about 17 then?
Anyone have good materninty insurance?
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Cost to insure brand new Range Rover Sport at 17 years old?
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Need help with a question about car insurance quotes.?
Is it legal for someone else to get an insurance quote for you without your permission? The person called and told the insurance company they were cars he was thinking of buying. Neither car is in his name and neither owner gave express permission for him to ask for this information.
can you ride a bike without insurance?
Do you really need to apply for insurance? Or just liscence is ok to ride?
Where can I get an affordable liability insurance for my new small business in California?
I'm trying to open a new residential cleaning business. I already got a quote from state farm but it was way too expensive. 2500 dollars per year. I'm new in this so, I can't afford that amount because I don't even have costumers yet. Thank you!.""
Do i need insurance to drive parents car in PA?
i just got my liscense and was wondering if i need insurance to drive my parents car?
Can any body tell me what is the lowest online car insurance company?
i have an old car and sometimes i use it but i think i pay too much to insure it $55 a month and it is just liablity insurance and i am looking for an online insurance company that can give me a very low rate
What should a 16 year old expect to pay for insurance?
I have never had insurance before. I own my first car right now. I have a graduated drivers license. and I have taken a drivers ed course. I need to know how much to expect to pay a month. Thanks!(:
Which insurance company is the best for teenage drivers?
I am sixteen year old girl from New Hampshire, an honors student who runs cross country, and I have to pay for my own insurance because my parents don't have car insurance. Also, my car is a 1990 BMW 3.25 convertible, and I have only the limited funds supported by a part time job at Friendly's.""
""50% fault accident, but my insurance did not need to pay. Will my rate be affected?""
I was recently involved into an accident in a mall parking lot. My car was damaged and the other driver's car was not. I filed a claim with their insurance and received 50% of my claim as they determined comparable negligence, 50% fault . The other driver did not file a claim, and my insurance company did not pay any money to anyone. Will my rate be affected by this accident?""
Adding additional drivers to my car insurance..?
Will adding my mom or dad (perfect driving record) affect them or their insurance at all? Or, if I got into an accident, would it go on their record? The policy would still be in my name...they would simply be listed as a secondary driver. Please only knowledgeable answers. It's crucial I get this figured out correctly.""
Why is my car insurance so high?
I can't seem to find decent coverage that doesn't break my bank. Here's my current policy that I'm paying 861/month for: Bodily injury/property liability: 12,500/person, 25,000/accident, 7,500/accident Comprehensive: 1,000 deductible Collision: 2,000 deductible NO other coverage. I drive a 2010 Jetta that I OWN, I'm a 23 year old male, I've never filed a claim/been in an accident, and I haven't gotten a ticket of any kind in 5 years. Does this make sense? Am I missing some secret to affordable insurance? I have a feeling it's because I didn't finish college and I have no credit, but still... Sigh. Any help is greatly appreciated.""
Does raising your car insurance's deductible really save you money ?
* Does raising deductible on car insurance really save money ?? * Is it worth it and * How much money would you save if you raise your car's deductible from 500 to 1000 dollars Any information would greatly be appreciated....Thanks :)
Affordable Private Health Insurance Provider Needed?
Could somebody tell me any company for affordable private health insurance.I need good site.And free quotes and many benefits.Please be honest.
""The older the car, the cheaper the insurance?""
Ordinary cars not the high end luxury ones. I'm thinking about a 240sx S13. Basically from 1989-1994 hatchback. Anyone who owns a 240sx/180sx please give me advice? All I know is I want an RB25 swap (the RB26 is hard and it's expensive so I'm sticking with RB25. Plus it's cheaper than the SR20) and wide kit, and Silvia front (Sileighty). Thanks!!""
If requiring people to have car insurance is the same as requiring them to have health insurance then why?
Wont the US government help you pay your car insurance if you cant afford it? Isn't car insurance a basic human right?
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
What is the best insurance plan for Abilify?
I'm an 18 year old smoker, female. I need to get on an insurance plan that's not too expensive. Which is the best?""
Why is auto insurance through Geico so cheap?
Why is auto insurance through Geico so cheap?
What cars are cheap for insurance?
i haven't passed my test, but am thinking about getting a little car. i need it to be cheap on a full uk lisence otherwise i won't be able to afford it. i would also aprreciate your help if you know any cars that have good consumption rates and are cheap to run. thanks in advance""
Can my car insurance company do this?
I have recently been involved in an accident which i was at fault. My car is written off so they said they will pay out 3,000 for my car minus 250 excess on the policy. so i am left with 2,750 but they said because my insurance was renewed two weeks ago they will deduct my remaining 11 month insurance premium. So I am only left with 900. can my insurance company to that?""
Has the law changed with car insurance for additional drivers?
Today I was looking at car insurance quotes & it seems that it costs the same to be an additional driver on somebody Else's car as it is to be a main driver on your own car. I got a quote to be an additional driver on my mothers car she currently pays 850 per year on her car and to get me also insured on her car it will cost 4.700 a year. It will cost me 3,995 a year on my own 1.0l corsa (main driver). My mothers car is a VW polo 1.4. I think the reason for the law change is because of a lot of parents are fronting for their children to make it a lot cheaper which I believe is called fronting.""
What is the Performance break down for State Farm Insurance?
For example: The statements for Sun Lifes performance is broken down into both geographic and market segments. These segments are: Sun Life Canada, Sun Life US, MFS Investment Management, Sun Life Asia and Corporate insurance. I am unable to find this information about State farm online, any help would be much appreciated! thanks a lot.""
What is a car under 1000 for young drivers with cheap insurance ? ?
What is a car under 1000 for young drivers with cheap insurance ? ?
CheapEST foreign cars to maintain? (Audi / Lexus / Volvo / Volkswagen )?
Which of these cars is cheapest to maintain? (Oil changes, brakes, tune ups, insurance, etc) I realize they're all foreign and they'll all cost more than a Ford would. But which is cheapest? Which is most expensive? Please help! I need someone with experience! Thank you so much!""
Car insurance clio 17 man WTF!?
Right how can i bring my insurance down from 3000! its acutal pathetic! I can't get a quote under 3000 that i can pay monthly i got a clio 1.2 ffs! any help please! been on gocompare n its no good! SOMEONE HELP PLEASE! (:
""How much is Homeowners Insurance in FL on a $150,000 home?
I'm a first time home buyer and very curious how much cash I'm going to need before closing a house.
What FAST car can i get for under 20k and has a low insurance rate?
k my dad says i can get any car as long as he agrees to the insurance prices. he knows most of all the cheap fast cars you can get all turn expensive in the insurance. could you help me out? fast, cheap, low insurance. thanks""
How much will my car insurance increase?
How much will my car insurance increase? I went for over eight years without getting a ticket and got one over a year ago and one recently. I accepted and paid the fine--improper-turns--learned my lesson the hard way. Anyway, I have been with the same insurer or 6 years and saw a decrease in my rate last year, despite the ticket. My insurer only views records at renewal and mine is not up for almost a year. By then, my first ticket will be about two years old--if they notice it next year. I am middle-aged and get a multi--vehicle and home discount and don't live in the city. My car and truck are about 150 a month or both, with full coverage. How much do you think it might increase to? Thanks.""
How do I get Cheap Car Insurance?
I am looking at buying a car for the first time in 8 years. So the problem is that I do not have any No Claims Discount for my insurance. Even though I am 40 years old, clean driving license, no convictions etc, I am being quoted over 400 TPF&T for a 1.4L Astra of Golf even with my retired Mum added as a named driver. I am an office worker, single, won't use it for commuting and will do less than 8000 miles a year. It will sit parked on the street for 4 or 5 days of the week. Does anyone have any top tips for reducing car insurance? It seems daft to be paying over 400 to insure a car that costs under 2000 Thanks Paul""
Do your insurance rates go up when you file for bankruptcy?
Do your insurance rates go up when you file for bankruptcy?
What happens to your insurance once you get married?
I am currently under my parents insurance (I am 21years old), both for car and health/dental. My fianc has no insurance because his family cannot afford it. We are thinking about getting married this summer but want to figure out the details first before we committ to anything. I was wondering, once we get married what happens to my current insurance? Are we going to have to purchase our own insurance? And if so is there any marriage packages that would be pretty low budget? Thanks!""
I'm 17yo Male and need cheap car insurance!!!!?
Well im 17 soon and want to get are car so i can work more. i have been looking at some very cheap cars that i would think are cheap to insure but are not- Fiat Punto (more than 10 years old) worth 400; 6000 to insure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same with Peugeot 106- around the same price to insure. What other cars would you recommend that are cheap to insure???
""Can I be added to my moms auto insurance, and drive my own car?""
Is that possible be added to my moms auto insurance, and drive my own car?""
Is it cheaper to insure your child under your insurance even if they have thier own car?
Is it cheaper on your child to insure them under your insurance even if they have their own car? We have leased a 2011 Chevrolet Cruze for our 18 year old daughter and after researching some rates that were as high as $500 per month, we thought it might be cheaper to insure her under our current policy as an additional vehicle. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? This is in the state of TN, and the lease and vehicle will be in my daughters name, we're just making the payments on everything. She is a student at a college less than 50 miles away. She does live there however, and only comes home once or twice a month.""
How much do i pay for teen auto insurance on a 2010 car?
my parents just got me a 2010 nissan versa! :) its not from the dealership, so we wouldn't have to pay full coverage, just the basic law coverage. i need an estimate on how much it will be a month. my parents aren't helping me that well with anything, they want me to just be on my own already so pleaseeee,help. i can't do this myself :(""
18yr old with an provisional can i drive my brothers car without me being insurance to drive it?
im 18 yrs old i have a provisional and my brother is takeing me out in his car im just woundering do i need to be on his insurane on his car cos he said thta all i need is L plates and my provisional i just want to make sure thanks ps can u reply asap he taking me out today in his car for the first time
Can you drive a car home you have just bought without insurance?
If i were to buy a car could i drive it straight home with no insurance, if i was going to sort it out when i got home. obviously don't want to sort out insurance for a car i haven't seen or payed for.""
Insurance? for laptop without getting home insurance?
I'm worried my brother hasn't as of yet insured his expensive laptop. What would work out more economical in the long run please: Content insurance but as a student he keeps moving, so all he wants to insure is his Laptop,mobile and passport both when it's in the house but also when traveling in the UK and abroad? (some policies like Barclays Gadget insurance make it almost impossible to make a claim ie: you can only claim if there's been a forced entry or if the Sim card is still in the phone whilst traveling. Well he lives with 8 other students and the landlord doesn't provide home isnurance in the contract, people are comming in and out of the house any one could take it from his room and the landlord won't allow him to put a lock on the door. If he's traveling abroad he will use a different SIM so... If he buys yearly travel insurance most only cover a single item up to 400, his laptop is an Applemac. Which would cover an expensive item without charging a monthyly fee above 10 per month? Stupid question but is it possible to jsut get content insurance for one room instead of Home insurance? Gadget Insurances seem pretty expensive and a lot of them don't cover the full spectrum of problems, stolen laptop whilst unattended in a hotel, lost, accidental damage even if the item is over a year, Thoughtbubble never even replied to his email enquiry. Bank insurance, they are limited and have similar policies such as above. Natwest have the advantage Gold and home contents insurance but it works out at 12 per month and his iphone won't be covered as phones have to be under 100. I don't have home insurance so he can't use ours. Please what else could he consider and no he's not giving back the gadgets and he is very careful but anything can happen. Would help to get some proper advice as even his bank Halifax didn't cheers""
Car Insurance Problem Please Help!!!?
Hi everyone, somebody hit my car and drove off about 3 weeks ago. I phoned my insurance up and made a claim, the problem lies now on my son, who is the addtional driver and who hasnt been driving my car because he doesnt need to. The problem is that he has had drink driving conviction and no insurance conviction for about 3.5 years. Prudential my insurance company want to see my licence and his licence counterparts, BUT we completely forgot about the convictions etc. So now I have a problem where i think my insurance will be void but he doesnt drive the car nor was he involved in the accident. What happens now as they have requested both photocopies of our licences, is there a way out of this, thank you""
""Mortgage, HOMEOWNER INSURANCE, lost jobs advice.?""
I need some advice! (Please, please keep your advice to constructive criticism, please) We are coming out of a messy situation where we both lost our jobs. But now we have acquired ...show more""
WILL MY CAR INSURANCE BE HIGH?
I'm 18, from california, and ive had my license since i was 16. I currently drive a 04 volvo and im planning to get a 2012 or 2013 chevrolet camaro LS. The plan is to trade in my old car but my mom is complaining that my insurance will be like $300 or more a month. Is that true? I have safeco btw thanks""
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
Boone Grove Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46302
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/free-car-insurance-quote-canada-zoe-haley/"
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